Permission to not be Amazing. It’s what I’m reflecting on this week. For six months now, I’ve been struggling with a chronic stomach issue that’s sparked all kinds of internal change for my mind and soul. Well, for the first five months, all it sparked was resistance. “This isn’t supposed to be happening to me” and “When is this going to be over” constantly spinning through my head. I just wanted to get through the sickness so that I could begin living again…
“Begin living again.” What does that mean anyway? I’ve been fighting being sick because it’s meant the horror of all horrors – not being able to run on 100% of my energy. Only being able to show up from a place of 70%, sometimes 50%. Not being able to stand the idea of being in the world at 50%. But last week I started looking at why that is so intolerable. And I noticed an internal rule: “It’s unacceptable to show up in the world any less than 100% – glowing, ‘on’, excited, inspiring to others… Amazing.”
Well now, that’s a tall order, eh? And I think it’s pretty funny that throughout so much of my life I walked around thinking I was actually doing pretty well at that goal. Because this kind of “Amazing-ness” isn’t the real kind – the quiet kind that lives within all of us all of the time. It’s more of a shiny thing – “Hey look at me! Look at all the great things I’m doing. Don’t you love me?”
What a heavy, heavy weight this is. A very goofy strategy to get love. Now exposed, it’s kind of like “Duh?!” So… time to adopt a different strategy – feeding the quiet, still, absolutely satisfying amazing within. Just for me. Just because it feels good. This kind of “amazing” has no criteria, it’s simply the ability to accept what is, whatever that may be in the moment, and let it fill me up. From this place, 50%, heck 20% is just as Amazing as 100%. Maybe not as fun, but still okay. Rather than an instrument of torture, “amazing” becomes beautiful, an acceptance of exactly where you are. That’s a really big load off. And even though I’m still sick, I’m actually beginning to feel like I’m living again.
But wait – this is a blog not just about soul, but about business too. So what does this have to do with my business? Everything. It strips away an ick-factor in my business. The motivation to create an Amazing business so that people will love me. That’s been just a fraction of the whole picture, but nevertheless it’s been there and it gets in the way of simply being of service.
Inner Business Demon: The “Have to be Amazing” Demon
Inner Business Strength: Acceptance
So what’s YOUR Strength & Demon to identify for this week’s business soul ritual? Please do share your Strength & Demon and/or your thoughts in a comment so we can collectively let the transformation begin!
I wrote last week that my monthly goal for February is to figure out a balance between letting go of some things and not letting go of everything.
My demon is this idea I’ve had for a long time–like, ten years–that I should be actively, almost forcibly moving things in my life into order. As if I were creating a great building out of big, roughly hewn stones.
But man, is that ever exhausting.
I’d like to call on a strength of balance. I’d like to start living my life as if I were sitting on a row boat in a river: I can let the current take me where I need to go, but at the same time I can paddle here and there to keep myself from getting stuck on the sandbars.
I struggle with this all of the time. Because I feel the need to be 100% awesome, and some days I just am not there. Like all of last week, for example.
I should have spent the week in bed. but I wrote on my blog, twittered and tried to be human.
Thanks for admitting that you’re not always 100% amazing. That’s a breath of fresh air. I’m not either!
My demon is I’m stuck on the belief that I have to have a clean and organized desk to be productive. Reality is I don’t. My desk is messy, it is always messy. I clean it and within days it is messy again and I’m still productive. I have a successful business messy desk or not.
I want to learn to accept that even though I have a messy desk, I am still productive and maybe it’s okay to have a messy desk in life.
The strength I need to call on is acceptance.
How interesting (came here from a twitter link) – permission to NOT be amazing all the time… I need to see this, internalize it, and …well, recognize I don’t have to be Amazing at everything all the time at every turn! Glad I stumbled here…
Hello Ladies! What good stuff here. So real…
@Michelle: Woman, you are moving forward with this every week. I love your two images – the one with the big rocks and the one with the river. Yes, the river all the way. And I also can’t help but think that all that unnecessary rock-carrying has at least given you some strong muscles in some way. Maybe they’ll help you be an even more powerful boat-paddler when needed :0)
@Bridget: Such a relief! I’m glad that you know what I mean – it’s really helpful to have kindred spirits in letting the weight of this go. I’m very glad that you’re here.
@Sally: I just keep thinking of your Robbie the Robot. He’s so great. I forget, does he help with this? And there’s something very rich about your messy desk. For some reason, that’s the feeling I get when I read your comment.
@Kat: Welcome! What a joy to meet you for the first time and I’m so glad that you stumbled here. No, you do NOT have to be Amazing all the time. Ahhhhhhh. We will join you in the internalizing. ‘Cause I know that I’m certainly not amazing at letting go of Amazing yet :0) And we look forward to seeing you again here…
Anyone else out there want to join our juicy convo? Come on in!